Can We Get a MR. Golden Globe?

Or better yet, how about we just do away with that gross, old idea?

No offense, daughter of Joe Mantegna. I’m sure you will be very good at walking across stages and handing out trophies to drunk celebrities. I’m just not sure what the point of you is up there except to be eye candy for, you know, people who care about looking at young women in pretty dresses (I’m saying that you won’t really be eye candy for me, except that I will look at you once and think, “Oh, that’s a pretty girl. Why is she handing out trophies to drunk celebrities?”).

I’m sure it’s a big honor in the world of TV and film and maybe it will make some more people watch your show on TeenNick.

But aren’t you at all upset that by participating in this 50-year-old tradition you have to be subjected to being called “another It Girl-in-training” by People?

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