[TW for sexual assault, sexual assault apology, and victim blaming…again]
We also incline toward restricting freedom of women instead of aggressively pursuing and punishing their attackers.
But men and boys, as a class, do not grow up and live with this fear, this threat, across the world and across cultures. This is women’s lot, and it falls on all of us.
I feel such pain and sorrow for Ms. Logan — not only did she survive this horrific attack, but her story is now public property, to be analyzed and picked over by all and sundry, people who have never met her and never will.
But her story is not as rare, or as easily dismissed as random violence, as so many would like it to be. Would wish it to be. And until we — humanity — admit that, millions upon millions of women and girls will be raped and assaulted year in, year out.
I’ve been lucky so far. I pray to God my daughter will be, too.
UPDATE: What Melissa McEwan said just now on Shakesville (really, EVERYTHING she ever says about rape culture on her blog is brilliant and important):
Still, there are a lot of people, especially privileged men, who are not even active rape apologists, who greet that 1 in 6/33 statistic with suspicion.
Maybe not consciously. Perhaps their skepticism never forms into a solid thought, ready for contemplative scrutiny.
But the doubt, the denial—it’s there.
Because if you believe whole-heartedly that 1 in 6 women are being sexually assaulted in your society, you don’t do nothing about it.
Also, this post at Obsidian Wings that the author, Doctor Wings, summarizes thusly:
Sexualized violence, rape, and even gang rape are not just signs of bestiality, barbarism, or boys inevitably being boys: they can be military and police tactics, and they are part of the toolbox of U.S. as well as Egyptian military/intelligence forces.
I have known for a long time from following the blogs and twitter feeds of amazing feminist bloggers that going up against anti-choice advocates and rape apologists/victim blamers is a good way to get some hate directed at you.
While I feel like the response in the comments to my two blog posts (here and here) about Bobby Bones using typical victim-blaming language to talk about Lara Logan yesterday were basically tame overall, the response on Twitter was a bit different. I wrote about what Bones posted in response to my posts about his language (though he didn’t respond directly to me). But I would like to draw some attention to the things people wrote directly to me or in response to that tweet that Bones wrote yesterday. Especially for my friends or readers who may not be as well-versed in this sort of response to simply pointing out that someone’s language is damaging to sexual assault survivors who you most definitely have as listeners and then asking for an apology. That’s all I did and all I wanted.
Quick note: there has been no formal response from Bones or his boss, Jay Shannon. I wrote them both an email yesterday after I put up my post. Shannon’s email did bounce back with an out-of-office reply saying he was gone until 2/22. I am actually not expecting anything in response at this point. From what I can tell by scanning Bones’ twitter feed, what people were writing to his twitter feed, and what was posted on his Facebook page this morning, this issue was not addressed on today’s show.
Now, to the Tweets.
First, those directed at me (I am removing some of the twitter handles from the tweets because that makes it harder to read these as conversations. But they are there in the links.):
- From @elisaelaine: @mrBobbyBones, @scatx is off her rocker. just looking for another thing to yap and complain about. stand strong.
- Conversation between @KennyKing1 and me (links to this here, here, and here):
- @mrBobbyBones shouldn’t @scatx be cleaning the house or folding laundry!
- I can clean my house, fold laundry, and call victim blaming what it is AT THE SAME TIME!
- I’m gonna go out on a limb and say you’re either single or divorced?!
- Wrong and wrong. I’m a married feminist who cares about sexual assault victims. Cheers!
- did you have to go to Massachusetts to get married?
- That’s funny bc that means ONLY lesbians can be married, feminist, and against victim blaming. Good one.
- @emhluv and I had quite the back and forth. @Mermaidninjagot involved. Here is some of that:
- emhLuv said: pretty certain Bobby wasn’t making excuses for the crimes going on. Just stating the obvious. It’s a reality.
- emhLuv said: I don’t believe that’s what @mrbobbybones meant. I listen to the show enough to know he wouldn’t wish that upon anyone. Nor expect it
- @MermaidNinja said: So, how is it wrong to state the obvious? Or even why is it or how is it wrong to use common sense?
- And I said: You mean common sense like, “It’s common sense that I shouldn’t sexually assault that woman?”
- @MermaidNinja said: What happened was certainly horrible. But she decided to take a risk that something could happen when she went over there.
- I said: 20% of college women are sexually assaulted. So, is it “common sense” to not go to college? Where is the line drawn?
- emhLuv said: knowingly putting yourself into a volatile environment is different than attending college. I’m not condoning it,at all
- And I said: Fine. If you can write that and not see how you are blaming Logan for what happened to her, I can’t say anything else.
- Then there is all-around winner and good guy, @MikeSaenzsays:
- First: I kind of agree with @scatx. I went to a roofie gangbang party fully expecting to JUST play the wii and roast some marshmallows. bullshit.
- My response: How did Tahrir become a “roofie gangbang party”? That only works if you are trying to blame the victim? Classy.
- Him: Someone hasnt seen Tahrir Girls Gone Wild RT @scatx: How did Tahrir become a “roofie gangbang party”?
- Then reignryder tweeted mikesaenzsays: ha ha ha!!!!( that’s a triple ha , the funniest one of all)
- Then he replied: haha thank you. She needs to lighten up.
But then there were the many, many response to Bones after he tweeted: “Apparently I’m a murder , rape and assault apologist because I said “if you go into war torn Egypt… Expect bad things to happen to you.” I posted about the two retweets he did and his condescending response to a rape victim.
Here are the responses he got but chose not to retweet:
- @kathyogolf: so i’m not the only one that thought that tweet was a little naive and insensitive
- @elyawhite: Wow, I didn’t realize stating the obvious would get you into trouble…I’m on your side if that helps 🙂
- @the_mical: I knew it.
- @AmyMBarrera: geesh did people think they were going to Disneyworld Egypt…u can’t go into a bad situation without preparing for the worst
- @PigSkinAssassin: sounds like your quite the overachiever
- @AmyMBarrera: and whoever told you that is stupid.
- @DDSaenz: I think the PC term for that is “progressive.”
- @emhLuv: in an unstable environment, what do people think is going to happen?? You weren’t out of line…
- @JenWPortraits: tell those people to go stand in a swarm of killer bees
- @jasonlugotx: you are a regular Nir Rosen lol jk it’s ridiculous that people get their panties in a bunch when you make an obvious true statement. Who’s fault is it if you visit the most slum and ghetto neighborhood and get robbed? Yours for being there. Are the actions right? No, but fault should lay within.
- @TangeloFlavored: haha. I’m glad I don’t have that many followers. I’d prolly be a serial killer and a sex offender.
- @julianmarsalis: a realist people are idiots put themselves in harms way and expect nothing 2 happen it’s just stupid hope best expect worse
- [Ask to be removed so am referring to them simply as “GL”]: I agree. Survival of the fittest.
- @luckystar54: Not quite, people just don’t like to hear the truth in anything…your statement was honest and truthful. #brushemoff
- @dlamore: If that is all that you said, you have nothing to be sorry for. You didn’t say “expect to be raped.” That would be different.
- @stew_padazo (who you can tell from his Twitter feed pic is an misogynistic ass): IT’s murderer. And no you are not. It’s your liberal fans that will not allow people to say factually correct statements.
- @MermaidNinja: Hey man, sad when people can’t accept common sense and then twist it into calling you a hater.
- @kingpin813: No doubt, some people are dumb to go in harms way just for a news shot
- @DeeWright01: i agree w/ u. u cant go 2 a place where bad stuff is happening & believe nothing will happen 2 u.
- @nikitaglass: they’re just mad because you said what we were all thinking.
- @TheJamBlog: Hahahahah so true & I love it! @mrBobbyBones IS A FEMINIST!
- @llcoolg77: I don’t understand why people get so bent out of shape….I read that & thought nothing of it….I mean it is true!…
- @Emmyswink: “assualt apologist” ?? …i love that word.
- @linksgirl1: If you can be murdered in a nice neighborhood with an alarm system, how much higher are your chances in a war zone? DUH!!
- @emacias1102: what do you expect when you have so many followers.
- @linksgirl1: If you go into a war zone,protest,mob,etc. and DON’T prepare for bad things, you’re an idiot.
- @majicjulie1: No. It’s the honest truth. It’s like going to Mexico or any border town.
@dehzimartinez: people will find anything to get upset about….your not in the wrong what so ever
- @Thelittlewifey: um no I’d say you’re a realist. It’s no diff than saying if you live in the projects long enough higher chance of a hard life
So, let me break this garbage down for you. People who follow Bobby Bones’ twitter feed felt compelled to say that:
- Lara Logan is an idiot (because she put herself in harm’s way), dumb (because she went into harms way for a news shot), should have believed that something would happen to her in Egypt (ie – should have prevented her own assault by not going to a place), and an idiot (for not preparing for “bad things” when she went into a war zone). Classy, guys! Way to drive my point home. People love to victim blame!!
- I AM insensitive. And stupid. And a liberal who is mad about factually correct statements. And bent out of shape. And should go stand in a swarm of killer bees.
- About those killer bees. Jennifer White thinks that I deserve to be swarmed by killer bees for calling out Bobby Bones’ victim blaming language. Jennifer White of Jennifer White Portraits in Wichita, Kansas. Just sayin’, in case you were thinking of hiring her. She thinks I should die via bee stings for standing up for sexual assault victims. That’s all.
- Bobby Bones is progressive. Honest and truthful. A feminist. A realist.
- Mr. Bones didn’t say anything wrong because he said, “If you go into war torn Egypt…Expect bad things to happen to you.” If he HAD said, “If you go into war torn Egypt…expect to be raped,” that would be different. My only problem is that he said his statement about a woman who went to Egypt and was brutally sexually assaulted. That is EXACTLY what he meant. “Bad things” means “brutal sexual assault.” So, what’s your point, Dustin Larmore?
- Places you should expect for “bad things” (re: Logan = sexual assault) to happen to you: NOT Disneyland, unstable environments, war zone, protest, mob, Mexico, border town.
- Getting robbed in a “slum” or “ghetto” is your own fault. And by extension, getting sexually assaulted in Tahrir square is Logan’s fault.
- I wrote my post because Bobby Bones is popular and has lots of followers on Twitter.
- GL believes that this whole thing (Logan being sexually assaulted in Tahrir) is simply survival of the fittest. Which implies that since she wasn’t the “fittest” in that crowd that she deserved not to survive (or, rather, be sexually assaulted). All I can say to a statement like that is WTF and STFU, GL. You suck.
- BINGO: Thanks, Nikita. The EXACT reason I have a problem with what Mr. Bones said is that lots of people think that about sexual assault victims and that gets us no where except hating on assault victims. And since Mr. Bones has a position where people actually listen to what he says, he should be much more sensitive to the fact that sexual assault survivors are probably listening to him blame them for their assault. I’m sorry such statements are so shocking and upsetting for Mr. Bones’ followers. Actually, no, I’m not.